This week’s science news really had me worried. You know, it’s so hard to sort through all those statistics and stuff. I really appreciate it when politicians cut out the smartypants-talk and tell it to us straight.

Food science is a super important field, since we all, you know, eat. So in Bolivia, the president revealed that consuming hormone-enhanced chicken causes men to become homosexual … and bald! How messed up is that? What ARE they putting in our food, anyway?

Strangely, “Morales’s theories do not appear to have been immediately accepted by the scientific community,” reports the UK-based Guardian newspaper.

Actually I don’t eat chicken, though, so I’m not *too* creeped out by that. What really had me stressed out were the new developments in seismology.

In Iran,  a hard-line religious leader says women and girls who dress immodestly spread promiscuity, and “When promiscuity spreads, earthquakes increase.”

So I guess France is just asking for it by trying to make women wear revealing clothes.  The French want to ban the full Islamic face & body covering to protect “the dignity of all persons and equality between men and women.” I do get where they’re coming from, though, because people who choose weird clothing for their weird religions really don’t deserve dignity, equality, fraternite, and whatever those other things in the French motto are. I just hope the French are getting their kits de séisme ready.

Anyway the promiscuity-earthquake hypothesis totally made sense to me,  until I read that a hard-line religious leader right here in the United States (Pat Robertson) has determined that earthquakes are caused by pacts with the Devil — or at least, the one in Haiti was.  So now I’m kind of confused.

Either way, it makes a lot of sense that San Francisco, with all the loose women AND pacts with the Devil going on, is prone to earthquakes.

Maybe I should move to Idaho. Potatoes don’t cause earthquakes, right?

Unless, I guess, they’re promiscuous, spawn-of-Satan type potatoes: